четверг, 16 октября 2008 г.

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Simple Complexity

Sharp delivery with each line flowing,
Creating a path i follow,
But i donapos;t know where iapos;m going,

Two words to describe it..
Simple Complexity

Vision blurry like condesation on windows,
Chuck up grass and follow the direction the wind blows,
Like a blind man i canapos;t see where life goes,

Two words to describe it..
Simple Complexity

Feel my way around life,
Left donapos;t feel good so i go right,
On the right track? Maybe i just might be,

Two words to describe it..
Simple Complexity

Smells like honey, Feels like thorns,
Yet tastes like chocolate,
Could something like this exist at all?

Two words to describe it..
Simple Complexity

All these bigs words, uses of similies,
And words created metaphorically,
Coming together from a random state of me,

Two words to describe it..
Simple Complexity

Written by Jamie. March 6th 2005.

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So my boyfriend helped me make up my exercise program and�I helped him with his. When we are doing together we are more likely to stick with it.. But he made me weigh myself. It was horrible.�I hate that he knows my weight. But�I didnt look at it, but�he wants to know my weight every week. The good thing is he doesnt�know much about weight loss and stuff, so�I doubt heapos;ll question it much if�I do manage to lose drastic weight.��

Iapos;m supposed to be going out tonight but im already freaking out and its not even three oapos;clock. None of my clothes fit me. �I feel like crap.


I better go find some sort of tent to wear.


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Been more than a month now since signing off the Splendour...and it took a month to get my land legs back (more emotionally) and adjusting back to living on land...it does take that long. I was, after all, on a ship for six months.

Itapos;s so wonderful being back in Montreal, keeping on running into people I know. Rehearsals are going quite well. Itapos;s a challenge this production, in many ways, but Iapos;m relishing it.

Turning 25 on Friday, and I think finally Iapos;m ready too. Was in Ottawa last weekend for Thanksgiving, my birthday with my family, a breakfast with my dear friends, and an early Christmas with my grandparents who are snowbirds and head to Florida for the winter. It was a wonderful weekend, just the kind of rest I needed.

Still missing people from the ship though. Not everybody, but the majority. It seems a little odd that life continues there when you sign-off. Youapos;re immersed into that world and itapos;s gossip and then you sign-off, most of the time feeling bittersweet, both happy and sad at the same time. And sometimes your mind wanders back to the ship and all the dramas that continue on. Itapos;s damn annoying when it does that in the middle of rehearsal, although an actor calling line brings back soon enough. I have come to the realizations: I do not regret anything (I know I have said this before, I just need to reinforce it, or maybe just put it in writing); I know why people have not been responding to my questions of what is going on (if this sounds cryptic, donapos;t worry); and my heart finally feels free...I think it does. I was never sure about it in the situation.

I am writing. I am living. I am who I am (to paraphase Iago...his "I am not what I am"). A Montreal night beckons.

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среда, 15 октября 2008 г.

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From Brian Frielapos;s Give Me Your Answer, Do:

"My entire goddamn life for Christapos;s sake Touch it, feel it, sniff it, weigh it And then, Mister God, please tell me itapos;s not altogether worthless."

"Stop hiding, Tom."
"Am I not here?"
"Only part of him is ever here."

"Because that uncertainty is necessary. He must live with that uncertainty, that necessary uncertainty. Because there can be no verdicts, no answers, indeed there must be no verdicts. Because being alive is the postponement of verdicts, isnapos;t it? Because verdicts are provided only when itapos;s all over, all concluded."


Interesting, though itapos;ll require further thought. Brain is not together enough to be saying much one way or the other. Tom and Daisy, really? And hrn. But again, interesting, at least.
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вторник, 14 октября 2008 г.

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Okay guys....I still need to take better pics but here is the picture of my new car� Yes� Major Rape-page� LOL





Yes yes yes� If you didnapos;t know yet, I have been wishing and saving and wishing and dreaming about getting a BMW for a long time.� I wanted one for my sweet 16 and that didnapos;t work out...so I have been driving that red piece of shit for years and years...and finally FINALLY I got my dream car� Yes it is the BMW Z4� And I love it� My brother is jealous....and he wants to go home so he can see it in person� But he shouldnapos;t be because he plans to buy a BMW M3 or M coupe soon� Yeah we love our Bimmers� (My dad has a 745i).

Anywho I finally drove it to work...and I hate to say...there are some haters.� Actually only one...and "I THOUGHT" she was a good friend of mine.� I am not angry at her...but so disappointed in her reaction.� Now I know there are some people that donapos;t care about cars.� Fine.� But she said some weird things to me like "Well� A Car is the worst investment ever� Did you buy a house yet?� And so this car is better than your volkswagen� (Took me a while to figure that last comment out....Iapos;ll tell you why in a sec.)"� But yeah she was so jealous.� And she wouldnapos;t stop about that.� It was weird.


But about everyone elseapos;s reaction.� Oh it was so much fun


Oh back story:� So I went to work a couple of days ago.� I came into work and HE came out....yeah thatapos;s our schedule� But before he left...he was like "Christine� Youapos;re here� Let me show you something"� He rolled up his sleeves and yes there was a uge blinginapos; ass watch on his wrist� "You like that?"� He said.� I nodded and said "Thatapos;s Hot.� Thatapos;s really Hot"� Okay...I have to admit....He was looking pretty thugging (and that really donapos;t describe him� We both dress pretty preppy in our Abercrombie wear at work).� He had that blinging watch on standing there near me with his fur jacket slung over his shoulder....seriously that was hot for real� HA�HA�HA� Well POINT IS....� He showed me something new and now I have something to show him




Okay so the first person I wanted to show was that guy at work.� So he came into work and I asked him when is he going on his break.� He said why?� I said I have to show you something that I just bought.� He was like "Okay� I want to see"

First of all...HATERS� MY friend who is jealous....she totally "blocked" me and said, "OH�SHE�BOUGHT��NEW�CAR"�
I said "B****� Why did you say that� I wanted to tell him"

He said, "What?� What car?"

She said, "Oh its a BMW Convertible"� I looked at her angrily and said, "Ummm...I wanted to tell him that"� I was so pissed� I really wanted to go outside and show him my damn self

But anywho, he said "What car?"
"I bought a BWM Z4"

He said, "Oh now I have to get an M3"
I said, "You should so we can ride in style"

Okay that was day 1.

The same day at lunch, I had lunch with my hater friend...rrrr...and I am really mad at her.� Why would she do that?� I donapos;t understand.� That is not her place to tell me other friends about my car?

So the guy that came and help me jump my car came over and asked me about my car....I talked to him about it.� And my friend made this comment and she started laughing....she said, "Yeah...your new car is way better than your Volkswagen� HA�HA�HA"��

My reply, "Heh...heh...heh....I donapos;t get it..."

She said, "Oh yeah you do"� Okay...weird...

Call me oblivious...but that guy I want to show the car too...drives a Volkswagen.� Now was a that a knock at me and him?� If that was....weird.� Because 1.� I didnapos;t think I made it obvious that I like him or vice versa.� 2.� What, are you like jealous of us?� I dont understand.
Alright so Day 2...this was absolute rage-page

I went to work and it was me and my super. Opening for the day.� So I had the parking lot to myself.� So I parked in a nice place (Where all the guys park� HA�HA).� 1 hour later all of them came in...which meant they had to have seen my car bitches

Okay so I didnapos;t pay attention to the time since I was working oh so hard.� Someone tapped me on the back and said, "God damn...I cannot beleive you actually bought a car"� I turned around and it was him

I said, "You saw it� You had to� I know where you park"

He said, "That car is pretty damn awesome� I thought you were joking yesturday"

"I really wanted to tell you and show you my car but� SHE kept interrupting me"

He said, "I thought you were joking.� Because you said you had something to show me and it was in your purse (I did say this...because I wanted to show him my keys) and with that B**** was saying?� I was confused"

Then we went on talking and he said it was really cool and his friend came over and said that they (5 guys at work) were looking at my car and that my guy was really trying to look inside and all.

He said, "I was going to come into work and make fun of you by reminding you about how much you you have to pay everymonth� But I tried to find those temp tag and .... How did you pay for this car?� You paid it off, right?"�

I nodded my head.� "Itapos;s mine� All mine"
He said, "Where and how did you get this money...That gangsta though...straight cash? DAAAMMMNNN"� HA�HA�HA� I love it
"I would love to drive with the top down"
I looked at him and nudged him and said, "Hey if you are a good buy maybe"� Tee hee

Let me said later that night my brother called me and said, "NEVER LET YOUR FRIENDS SIT IN YOUR CAR� AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT LET ANY BOY DRIVE IT"� HA�HA�HA� Stupid brother...I wonapos;t� Or...hmmm...No� I wonapos;t I promise


Anywho there is more to this story but seriously....I got this car for myself of course...but of course in the back of my mind....if I can get some boy on my side...thatapos;s a bonus

Alright off to sleep



















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Yesterday was spent cleaning up the mess of the car break in. I drove around with our taxi-driver friend, looking for replacement glass. We started down the road at his fatherapos;s cousinapos;s brotherapos;s shop (? I got very confused too. I thought it was his grandfather, but luckily I didnapos;t say anything about age etc) but, in the vast collection of things in big cardboard boxes, there was no window to match my car.

Next, off to the apos;new partsapos; car place. Our taxi-driver did all the talking because he knows everyone. It was kinda weird, because they all spoke in Hindi. I could pick up an idea of what was going on, but not really. I could have done this alone, but with an Indian Man, it takes probably a quarter of the time.

We left the car and walked a couple of blocks to the police station to pick up my police report. Of course our taxi-driver had been to school with the policeman, so that was a nice reunion. The report wasnapos;t quite ready, so we had a look at the local shops.

One shop Iapos;ve been keen to go into for ages. It looks like an old Australian milk bar from the front, and itapos;s called "Supa Dairy."

This name connects with me in a way Iapos;d completely forgotten. As a child, I had a very good friend. We had lots of sleepovers and would talk way into the night. One of her favourite things to talk about was a boy at her school who was really dreadful. I canapos;t remember all the stories. The only one I remember is that he used to eat banana Paddlepops all the time, so his mouth was always dirty with banana icecream and he smelt of fake banana.

I had no child in my class who could compete, so I invented one. This was not an imaginary friend, but a kid who did terrible things I could talk about. I canapos;t rememember a single story I made up The thing is, his name was Alan Superdairy. What the hell I was thinking when I made that name up I have no idea, but to see a shop called, "Supa Dairy" makes me smile.

So I popped into the Supa Dairy and what a funny, dusty old place it was. I bought two packets of Faber Castell lead pencils (75cents per pack) and said, "This shop looks like an Australian milk bar."

The owner got very happy and said, "Yes, it used to be be a milk bar" Now she has old note books, pencils and dusty boxes containing who knows what.

The policeman came and found us with the police report, the window was fixed and that was my day.

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